Narcissism Among Some Members of the Church

             During the course of our lives as adults, we may have came across some individuals who stood out from amongst the crowdac for being different in the way they behaved or presented themselves.  Even when we were young children in school, most of us can remember a classmate or two that required a lot of attention to be placed upon them and/or believed themselves to be a “bigger deal” than they actually were. We may even know of some adults who think this way about themselves, to the point that it causes issues with how they interact with others. Some of these people, commonly called Narcissists, have a condition known as Narcissistic Personality Disorder. This disorder not only affects how a person thinks, feels, acts, and presents themselves in front of others, but the ways in which Narcissists act can have a detrimental affect on those around them as well.
          According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual 5th Edition  (DSM V), the following criterian must be met in order for a person to be diagnosed with Narcissistic Prsonality Disorder;
A. Significant impairments in personality functioning manifest by:

1. Impairments in self-functioning (a or b):
2. a. Identity: Excessive reference to others for self-definition and self-esteem regulation; exaggerated self-appraisal may be inflated or deflated, or vacillate between extremes; emotional regulation mirrors fluctuations in self-esteem.

b. Self-direction: Goal setting is based on gaining approval from others; personal standards are unreasonably high to see oneself as exceptional or too low based on a sense of entitlement, often unaware of their own motivations.

1. Impairments in interpersonal functioning (a or b):
2. a. Empathy: Impaired ability to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others; excessively attuned to reactions of others, but only if perceived as relevant to self; over- or underestimate of own effect on others.
3. b. Intimacy: Relationships largely superficial and exist to serve self-esteem regulation; mutuality constrained by little genuine interest in others‟ experiences and predominance of a need for personal gain

B. Pathological personality traits in the following domain:

1. Antagonism, characterized by:

a. Grandiosity: Feelings of entitlement, either overt or covert self-centeredness; firmly holding to the belief that one is better than others, condescending toward others.
b. Attention seeking: Excessive attempts to attract and be the focus of the attention of others; admiration seeking.
C. The impairments in personality functioning and the individual’s personality trait expression are relatively stable across time and consistent across situations.
D. The impairments in personality functioning and the individual’s personality trait expression are not better understood as normative for the individual’s developmental stage or socio-cultural environment.
      The impairments in personality functioning and the individual’s personality trait expression are not solely due to the direct physiological effects (e.g., a drug of abuse, medication) or a general medical condition (e.g., severe head trauma).[1]
      Narcissistic Personality Disorder[2]r is one of 9 personality disorders recognized by the DSM 5. According to one source,[3] about 1 in 200 people are diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) with 75% of those diagnosed being men. These people have issues keeping long-term meaningful relationships, since they do not seek to help others but to only fulfill their own needs and desires, at the expense of others. They must have the attention and admiration of others, which causes them to overly brag about themselves, and present themselves in an overly positive fashion  as well as always expecting special treatment from others, which can be perceived as annoying to some that they come into contact with. 
        People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder can be found anywhere. For instance, you may see this personality disorder in a co-worker who takes credit for the achievements of others, does not listen to the ideas of their colleagues, and demands that others do what he /she wants without thinking about the needs of others. Or you may have heard of a spouse who belittles their spouse’s feelings but constantly seeks validation and compliments from the spouse they belittle. Or you may know of someone that lives in your area that constantly talks about his/her own achievements, only hangs around people they believe to have a “high status.”
          No two people with NPD are the same when it comes to exhibiting the same symptoms, and some people with NPD will show some of the symptoms, but not others. No matter the cause, a Narcissist is a challenge to deal with not only for therapist and that person’s physical family, but for members of the church of Christ as well. 
​Just like there are Narcissists in the world, there are also Narcissists in the church. The church of Christ is made up of people who live in the world, and who sometimes face some challenges with mental health. Although there is not a large percentage of the world population that have Narcissistic Personality Disorder, some people who have the characteristics of this diagnosis can creep into the church and cause problems for other members.
          There are many wonderful members of the church of Christ who have a healthy perception of their own self worth and who, always treat others with love and kindness. These Christians are a blessing to be around and they help other Christians stay motivated to keep the faith. There are other members of the church, however, who do not help the church as the faithful Christians so. These Christians will sometimes portray characteristics of Narcissism, and this can have a detrimental effect on the church and the members of the congregation in which they attend.
          I have heard about an example of an elderly lady who attended a congregation of the church of Christ in another county. This woman, along with her two sisters, would criticize the preacher for ‘preaching too long,” and she would often talk during the sermon and loudly complain about the preacher to those seated around her while the sermon was being preached. She would try to belittle the preacher, but would not accept any type of rebuke for her bad behavior. She did not have empathy for how the preacher felt when she would openly and loudly speak against him to the other members of the church, and she was instrumental in getting other members of the church to turn against the preacher of that congregation, even though the preacher had done nothing wrong.
​            Sadly, this elderly woman’s behavior not only caused problems for the preacher, the preacher’s family and other members of the church who supported the preacher, but her non-Christian like behavior must have filtered over to her own physical family, because many years after the preacher left the congregation that this elderly lady was attending, he had heard that the elderly woman had died alone in a nursing home, and her children had not came to visit her in a long time prior to her death.
        It is people like this who can cause a “split” in a congregation, because they are only concerned about themselves rather than the feelings of others. This can cause problems in the church if the other members do not stand up for what is right and keep the Narcissistic member from gaining control.
      In the first two chapters of this paper, I have discussed the definition and diagnosing criteria of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and I have given one or two examples of how Narcissism among members of the church and have a negative affect on other members of the church of Christ. In this final chapter, I want to discuss how Christians can deal with a member who is a Narcissist.
          Narcissist are only concerned about themselves, and not concerned at all about how others feel. Attending worship services with such people can be a challenge, especially if you are having to deal with them one on one for any length of time. Narcissists are often very critical of others, and they can bring the spirits down of even the most faithful members of the church of Christ. One thing that a person can do to keep a Narcissistic member from “bringing you down” is to ignore any negativity that they send your way. The Bible speaks against those who just care about themselves and who do not uplift others. 2 Timothy 3:2-5 mentions this by saying; For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.
        As challenging as it is, it is best to not get upset around a Narcissist, because they feed on getting a reaction from the person they are being negative towards. This is why the best way to handle a Narcissist is to not show that you are upset around them. They should be rebukes for their negative behavior, but this should be done in such a way that the Narcissist does not see the person doing the rebuking get upset. We are told to rebuke our brother or sister in Christ who is doing wrong. Proverbs 27:5 says “Open rebuke is better than secret love.”
           Preachers who are facing narcissists in the congregation should never be afraid to preach on certain topics that may offend the narcissist. Preachers should “preach the word” no matter who gets offended, as 2 Timothy 4:2 states. Unfortunately, a narcissist will not apply the lesson to themselves as far as being motivated to change their sinful ways for the better. On the contrary, a narcissist, who cannot bear the thought that he/she is an imperfect person, will get angry at the messenger just for preaching the Word of God.   This shows a lack of humility among narcissistic people, which is also spoken against in the Bible. Many negative qualities of a narcissist is covered in Proverbs 6:16-19.
"These six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him: A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood,  An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.”
        Most importantly, the best way to handle a narcissist in the congregation is to pray for God’s Help. God will give you the strength and courage that you need to stand up for Him against any wrongdoer, no matter how loud or abrasive they can be. You may not be able to change the person, but you will still be telling them what they need to hear.
         In conclusion, we Christians have to deal with many different people in this world, some of which are not as they should be. There are some people in the world, including in the church, who face mental issues that involve having disturbances in their personality. Such personality disorders a Narcissistic Personality disorder can cause the affected person to have issues getting along with others, and in turn, cause problems in a congregation if this narcissist is not dealt with firmly and appropriately. By rebuking the narcissist for their wrongdoing when wrongdoing occurs and attempting to teach the narcissist how to be loving and humble servants of God, we will be doing our best to take as many people as we can with us to Heaven.             All that God wants us to do is to do our best to win souls for Him, but he does not hold us accountable for whether or not the narcissist will listen to us. All we can do is teach them and hope that at some point they can overcome the default in their thinking and make the changes they need to make in order to go to Heaven.
 
 
 
 


[1] Holy Bible: King James ed. Holman: 1998.

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